I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize