he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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