You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
