really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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