the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
