Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
