and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize