I just saw a hot homeless man
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize