Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
