My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
