how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
