he wants to bone in the snuggie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
