i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
