I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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