I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
