allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
