you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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