This is not my ceiling
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
