Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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