He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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