I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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