So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
