He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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