Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
