I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
