I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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