The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize