you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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