I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
