when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
