Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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