epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
