True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
