she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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