Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
