Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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