I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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