I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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