a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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