I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
