we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
