you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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