This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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