Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
