the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
