Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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