He had one of those small greek statue penises
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
