If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
