They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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