She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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