i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
