Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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