you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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