Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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