i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
