Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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