The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
