he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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