Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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