I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
